Cosmetic Surgery

This is the first in a multiple-part series dedicated to exposing the truth behind cartoon character makeovers — from back alley liposuction to designer boob jobs, and all the juicy tidbits in between.

Over the course of a lengthy investigation, our Dirt Team has uncovered mouthwatering rumors and astonishing, potentially-career-ending accusations about some of the hottest animated stars around and their purported “hand-drawn” good looks. We assembled a panel of the most esteemed and scrupulous plastic surgery experts and asked them this question: Real or Digitally Enhanced?

In our opening stanza, we have decided to focus on one of our most beloved cartoon stars. From her humble beginnings as a cocktail waitress and sometime body double for some of the more modest celebs in Toontown, through her rapid ascent into animated high-society, to her precipitous fall from grace following her husband’s accusation for murder, we admired her innate ability to maintain her sultry, strawberries-and-whipped-cream appeal. But it now appears that she had a little help. These are the cosmetic chronicles of Jessica Rabbit

• Those come-hither LIPS: BOTOX® Cosmetic treatments, Restylane® injections, fat grafts, collagen.
• Those voluptuous BREASTS: breast lift, breast augmentation with saline implants
• That callipygious BOOTY: liposuction, fat grafting, Brazilian butt lift
• That smooth, lustrous SKIN: laser skin resurfacing, microdermabrasion, chemical peels, laser hair removal
• That larger-than-life, curvaceous FIGURE: body lift, bariatric surgery, tummy tuck
• That pouty, yet striking FACE: blepharoplasty, rhinoplasty, chin augmentation with implants, brow lift, laser hair removal, BOTOX®, Restylane® and collagen (dermal fillers), cleft palate reconstruction.

With all the cynicism and derision that we’ve been accustomed to hearing when the topic of cosmetic procedures comes up, I think it is important to – every once in a while – focus on the angel on the shoulder of this much maligned of surgical specialties.

Recently, a little boy received what he had been ardently wanting for so long. It wasn’t the latest “it” toy on TV or even a trip to Disneyland; what this 5-year-old child desired most was what most children are born with – ears. At birth, ten weeks early, Jorden Flowers weighed only 3 pounds, hadn’t developed ear canals or auditory nerves, and had small flaps of skin instead of ears.

Son of Olympic gold medalist bobsledder Vonetta Flowers, Jorden made his own way into the record books two years ago as the first American child to undergo auditory brain stem implant surgery. Able at last to hear his parents’ words of love and encouragement, Jorden currently is learning to speak.

The icing on the cake of this medical miracle came September 2007 in the form of silicone ears, carefully crafted and tinted to match Jorden’s skin tone by University of Florida anaplastologist Robert Mann. Affixed to the sides of his head with magnets attracted to metal posts embedded in his skull, Jorden’s prosthetic ears represent one of the medical community’s finer contributions to patient wellbeing.
 
His mother explains that Jorden, who is just starting kindergarten, doesn’t take his new ears for granted. Treating them like the precious gift they are, he insists on only wearing them when going out and removing them immediately upon returning home.

In a world where professionals get Botox’d on their lunch breaks and tabloids constantly conjecture on the origins of celebrity assets, when it comes to plastic surgery, perhaps bitter isn’t always better.

A new study published in the Annals of Plastic Surgery’s August issue asserts that there is a link between breast implants and suicide.  The Los Angeles Times, when reporting the story, included the shocking headline, “Breast Cancer Linked to Suicide Risk.”  Why couldn’t we have seen it sooner?  The telltale signs were all there to be seen – bad body image, low self-confidence, small and/or unattractive breasts.  It’s just that we could not have envisioned something as immediately gratifying as fake breasts to lead something so immediately fatalistic as suicide.   It’s not like we could have predicted that women would only receive partial emotional benefits following surgery, or that once the luster of new, perky breasts has worn off, these women return to what they always were: unhappy women.  I think we need to examine the types of women who are choosing to undergo the procedure to better understand what it is about ourselves that makes us think that bigger boobs or tighter buns will be the key to unlocking our emotional happiness, when nothing else has affected that sort of change in our psyches before. 

There are two parts to this issue.  The first lies in the nature of the study itself.  The second speaks to the heart of all of us.  First of all, why is it that we are so focused on headlines?  Is it because most people do not bother to read the story once they know the gist of it from the headline and blurb that follows it?  Is that effectively enough in our IM, PDA, water-cooler-conversation world to suffice as knowledge?  Do we need only to mention that we have heard of a story for people to presume that we know all about it?  Is our society really that shallow?  Judging by the way stories are reported in the news these days, the answer probably lies somewhere between ‘yes’ and ‘definitely.’  The reason I take issue with the LA Times headline is because it is sensationalistic to a fault.  Of course we are interested in breast implants!  Of course we are intrigued by suicide!  Put them together and what have you got?  More people reading the headline and espousing falsities to their peers. 

If you read the article, you will find an obvious reason for what the headline asserts: that women who decide to get breast implants may be at higher risk for suicide than women who choose not to get them.  Think to yourself: what woman in her right mind would be so unsatisfied with her breasts that she would go through with this procedure?  Therein lies the heart of the second issue.  Why is it that we believe that changing just one thing about us will bring about precipitous changes in all other aspects of our lives.  Sure, bigger breasts will get you noticed, but that brings about a whole other set of issues.  They might even get you a husband or a job, but bigger breasts cannot solve our emotional problems.  In fact, they may make them worse. 

Bigger breasts are not psychologists, nor should we presume them to be.  Bigger breasts cannot make our parents love us or erase the pain of abuse or neglect.  They are what they are: cosmetic solutions to emotional problems.  No matter how big (and perky and attractive) the band aid is, it’s still a stopgap measure to temporarily stall larger psychological issues.  The sooner we realize this, the better off we will be.

In the realm of cosmetic surgery, this could fall into the category of a “no brainer.” Finally, women can lose weight and have their breasts enlarged all at once. This revolutionary new procedure, fittingly named Celution by its creators, involves minor liposuction of “problem areas” — such as the arms, thighs, and belly – and the transferring of this fatty tissue to an area that can carry more of it, the breasts.

Breast enlargement (sans fat relocation) has been one of the most popular cosmetic procedures over the last two decades. What I find so hard to believe about this procedure isn’t that it provides a new alternative for breast enhancement (which, as we all know, is a good thing); it’s that it took so long for a company to invent a safe, effective way of doing it. We’ve all played with play-dough and silly putty before. The easiest way of changing the shape of an object (let’s say, a clay Anna Nicole Smith figurine) is to take off the part you don’t want and transplant it to a part that needs more bulk.

This same principle can be seen in Celution (which incidentally sounds a little too much like “cellulite” for my tastes.) It makes one wonder if they simply pump the slurry that is extracted in the liposuction part of the procedure directly into the mammary tissue, effectively building a sort of “fat cushion” behind the existing fat in the breast. Kinda makes you think for a second about what’s really important in life.

If you were forming a superhero team to combat the forces of gravity and old age, who would you choose?

 The San Diego Comic-Con is coming up this week, and it has me thinking about one of my favorite subjects: superheroes.  As a plastic surgery blogger, the medical topics that I’m supposed to cover rarely coincide with my geekier interests. But I’m going to take this opportunity and run with it! (or fly with it, or teleport with it, or….yeah never mind).

Let’s go through the roster!

Mr. Plastic – The obvious choice for leader. His elasticity is unparalleled, and we all know that elastic skin is youthful-looking skin. Wrinkles are wiped away!

Lipo Lass –Uses her suction power and her trusty cannula to stop low-life fat deposits from taking over various neighborhoods.  Has an on-again, off-again relationship with Tommy Tuck.

The Augmentator – His most common weapons are silicone and saline based. When he’s overseas he uses gummy bear implants to fight Dr. Flat Chest, his arch nemesis.

Captain Botox – As a child, Billy Bo always thought that his grandfather was mad at him even when he wasn’t. This traumatizing experience led to his rebirth as Captain Botox and his mission to eradicate brow furrows everywhere. The Captain is renowned for his terrifying toxin that can paralyze his enemies for up to 6 months at a time.

Small boobs, saggy skin, diabolical flab- your days are numbered. The Fantastic Plastics are here….to make the world a safer, better-looking place!

Not everyone has the cojones or the cash to get plastic surgery, but as the thriving beauty industry indicates, that doesn’t mean people are halting in their quests to fix their features. As plastic surgery becomes more popular, alternatives are springing up, many claiming to provide similar results with less pain and a whole lot less money. Take, for example, the Coco Beautiful New Look of Nose. While an outsider might label this nose clip a glorified plastic clothespin, some Japanese, Korean, or Taiwanese businessman out there has saved thousands of dollars on rhinoplasty surgery by dutifully applying the $7.50 clip to his nose for hours each evening.

For individuals with aging faces who don’t want to shell out big bucks for facelift surgery, there’s always the Facial Flex Facial Exercise and Toning Kit, which allows you to exercise your facial muscles in much the same way as a gasping fish. As one user in the infomercial puts it, “Even if I don’t see any [results] quite yet, I know that something’s happening and I know that I will see something soon.” If one can halt the aging process by placebo effect alone, she’s got it made.

Of course, such desperate measures aren’t unique to our time. Even before the existence of plastic surgery, women especially looked for alternative ways to enhance, reduce, and lift their way to aesthetic glory. The Psycho-Expander was marketed around the turn of the century to “develop neck, chest, and shoulders to striking beauty” by doubling women’s breathing capacity (read: cup size) for “perfect breath control” (man control) by means of a harness strapped around the chest. At some point, a girl’s just got to look at herself, laden with nose clip, mouth wire, and boob harness and have this epiphany: just get the surgery.

It has been calculated that if a Barbie doll was a real woman, she’d be 7 feet tall with a 44 inch bust, 17 inch waist, and 40 inch hips.  Disproportionate, she wouldn’t be able to walk properly (a “life-sized” model of the plastic glamour-girl turned she-monster collapsed in half, unable to support her upper half).  Too thin, she wouldn’t have breasts or be able to menstruate, and she would be at risk for a heart attack and osteoporosis as early as in her twenties.

Despite her alarmingly unrealistic dimensions, women have continuously striven to adhere to the blonde, thin, busty standard of beauty that is Barbie.

51 year-old Cindy Jackson has adhered to this standard a bit much.  That is to say, literally.

Boasting the title “The Human Barbie,” Jackson has dedicated her life to becoming the physical incarnation of the doll.  With extensive work done to her breasts, knees, abdomen, thighs, nose, eyes, forehead, hairline, chin, lips, and skin, Jackson (not to be confused with the other surgery aficionado of the same appellation) has had over 47 cosmetic procedures.  She has even earned a Guinness World Record for her achievement.

Even stranger, Jackson has a rival for the title.  Sarah Barge, 47, of the UK, has had over 120 hours of surgery (and counting) on every visible body part except her feet in her own effort to become Barbie.

But at the end of a long day of defending her title and promoting her line of skin care products, Jackson returns to her “dream house” to the arms of her very own Ken.  Husband Steve Erhardt has himself had over thirty surgeries and spent over a quarter of a million dollars molding himself into Barbie’s—err, Jackson’s—other half.

Yes, boys, it happens to us too. It’s up to you to decide whether to embrace the signs of age as rugged manliness, or succumb to the cosmetic surgery revolution.

As you gaze longingly into the mirror, turning to this side, then the other, admiring those contoured biceps, flexing your sculpted pectorals, worshipping what you believe to be the Adonis-like proportions that make you a true man… you notice something around your eyes. Lines. Tiny little creases that look like the feet of a bird. And then the image of your sumptuous, youthful masculinity crumbles into a zillion little pieces as you realize that age could possibly be starting to rear it’s head on your very own… around the eyes to be precise.
Okay, so that’s the extreme scenario. But let’s face it, guys, we can be just as afraid of nature’s effects as our female counterparts, and it can hit us like a monster-truck when we first notice it.

Many men aren’t concerned at all with how they look, but a great number of males these days partake of the metrosexual aesthete, dressing well and lookin’ hot.

One option for men freaking out about crows feet is cosmetic surgery, such as brow lift, dermal wrinkle fillers (BOTOX® Cosmetic, Juvederm™, etc.) and others. These can be effective in smoothing out the wrinkles and giving your face a more youthful sheen.

But remember, gentlemen, cosmetic enhancement is a major decision that should not be made lightly. And as we age, the signs will continue to come back.

Also, keep in mind, some of those extra lines don’t just signify age, to some, they read as experience, wisdom, intellect, and sexiness. The rugged-looking male can be incredibly attractive to both sexes, so don’t be too quick to get rid of those well-earned fine lines… they may make you an even bigger hit than you were before.

A popular website, myfreeimplants.com has been getting a lot of international media attention. In a cynical nutshell, this new site is where men and women can gather together to support each other’s hopes and dreams.

For the ladies, it’s the promise of confidence and self assurance in the form of free breast implants. For the men, it’s economically priced porn and the possibility of cheap cyber sex.

These are the kind of capitalistic values that have made our country truly great.

Think of it as MySpace with a twist. On this site, ladies can sign up, create a profile, blog, post photos, and request live chats with one of the more than 7,000 men who are members of the site. For a donation, a guy can chat with one of the girls, exchange messages, or request *ahem* photos. Those donation credits (minus about 15 percent for the company’s costs), go into an account for the individual woman. After several months, there is enough money in the account for about 400cc’s of silicone.

Although the site allows nudity on profiles, it does not promote porn, and will not allow the proverbial “crotch shot” on profiles. But it doesn’t discourage sharing pornography either. According to the rules of the site, when it comes to sending photos of yourself to benefactors, “Anything goes!”

After the ladies have reached their donation goals, they are allowed to choose a doctor and the site’s administrators will send that doctor a check in the specified amount.

Stay tuned for an in-depth investigative story, hereafter titled, “How I Got My Boobs for Free.” Or possibly, “My Disappointed Parents.”

Number one: I’m not a woman.
Number two: Every person’s body is his/her own temple, and has the right to accentuate his/her own body as he/she sees fit.

That said, I do have opinions, particularly when it comes to plastic surgery among our celebrity-set. A recent article in an on-line entertainment magazine contained an interview with Courtney Cox in which she stated she wouldn’t mind some plastic surgery as she gets older, but the hubby, David Arquette, is not so keen on the idea. This got me to thinking: from everything I’ve read and heard, Diane Keaton has never had plastic surgery, is in her 60’s, and looks incredible. Same with Helen Mirren and Meryl Streep. These are some of the most talented, hardest-working actresses in the world, single-handedly defying the antiquated, horrifically unfair notion that women past 40 are washed up in Hollywood. The overwhelming pressures on women, particularly in the entertainment industry, to be thin, beautiful, young, and perfect ALL THE TIME overshadow the fact that women can and do grow older gracefully. In my opinion, any man or woman worth his/her intellectual, emotional, and enlightened salt can attest that brains, wisdom, culture and care for natural beauty trumps collagenized lips, tightened faces, and botoxed brows any day.

Again, I’m not a woman so I can’t possibly understand the pressures they are under. But as a dude who recognizes the beauty and wonder that is woman, I say don’t do it Courtney. You’re too fabulous to ever need it.