Breast Implants: The Perfect Graduation Present
Ten reasons why you should get bigger boobs with that diploma…
10. At graduation, you’ve officially reached the end of your gawky phase. Emerge from high school like the beautiful swan that you are.
9. Because your boobs are only going south from here on out. Your breasts have reached their literal and proverbial peak. A set of implants will keep the girls from taking on that oh-so-unattractive banana-boob look.
8. Your daddy had the nerve to deny your request for implants on your 16th birthday. Cash in that college fund and assert your power.
7. At 18 years old, you are a legal adult. You can now buy porn, lottery tickets, and smokes. Why not a pair of breasts? It just makes sense.
6. Breast implants increase your chances of being a finalist on The Flavor of Love by 37 percent.
5. Implants are really a financially sound investment with potential for long-term gain. We’ve laid out the equation for you:
Big Boobs = Boyfriend x (Yacht + Trips to Aspen + Condo in France…)
Yeah, I know – The math is fuzzy.
4. College. The inevitable next step. And no one there has to know you were barely breaking an A-cup in high school.
3. Hot frat guys will dig your “awesome personality.” You will share long, romantic nights snuggling both his beer bong and the toilet.
2. Implants make you smarter. With a pair of double-Ds, you will coast right through your M.R.S. degree.
1. You’re never going to win the Cabo Spring Break 2008 wet t-shirt contest with that chest.