Jodie’s Sweet ‘Uns
Sweet Stephanie Tanner is Finally All Grown Up!
The latest in early 90s sitcom news is Jodie Sweetin. Well. More accurately – Jodie Sweetin’s huge rack. Clearly back on crack, Sweetin’s sweetheart image has once again been sullied after she appeared all over Hollywood sporting a new set of knockers. And to be clear, these implants are not intended to add an aesthetic sense of proportion to her slight frame. No, these boobs were exploding out of her shirt like fleshy fireworks… The kind that make your dog hide under the bed and whimper. Her pink top strained at the seams trying to contain them.
This surgical decision on her part bears several questions for me: For one, has she fallen off the proverbial wagon? What woman would need attention so badly that she would be willing to put two 5-pound sacks of silicone into her chest? Unless you’re planning on letting someone build a summer home in your cleavage, I see little to no benefit to breast implants so large that they could dictate their own gravity.
And then… I am drawn to the more philosophical aspects of this “development”: Can breast implants really be too big?
Based on thorough research (or… a Google search that returned a lot of porn), there are many doctors out there who specialize in placing larger breast implants for a more “dramatic effect.” Apparently, you can get up to 1000cc breast implants, which would be the equivalent of DDs. But seriously, who actually goes and gets them? I think that large of an implant should be reserved strictly for strippers and real estate agents. There needs to be some sort of employment criteria for that much silicone… And honey, I am pretty sure you haven’t worked since you were 13.
As we sit shiva on Full House’s loveable Stephanie Tanner, I hope we can remember her as an angelic little girl who grew up, went on a meth binge, and made some poor plastic surgery decisions. Maybe the real lesson here is that you should never listen to Uncle Jesse.